Thursday, December 16, 2010

Looks


            It’s official.  I read it on Web MD:  “Lack of Sleep Can Hurt Your Looks.”
            It is a message that cheers me because I am not an average American.  (I consistently get plenty of sleep.) 
            Which means, of course, that I must be getting better looking all the time, right? 
            I’ll be sure to check the mirror after my next nap.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Today


            Today Mom changed from her jeans into her corduroys in the living room.  She asked me what my father died of.  She got places and the years she lived in those places turned around in every direction.  During the intermission at the concert we attended, she said she would wait for me outside the bathroom but wasn’t there when I came out a few minutes later.  (She had forgotten she was waiting and was wandering in the crowd looking for me.)
            Today Mom made her share of clever jokes (which I cannot remember at the moment) and astute comments.  After her eye appointment, despite her very foggy vision from having her pupils dilated, she noticed that the snowman Christmas decorations were made from banisters.  She held a reasonable conversation with the technician, though she claimed that our woods is mostly deciduous even though it is decidedly evergreen.  She said all the appropriate things when she was introduced to my friends at the concert.
            Today I felt the pangs of loss.  I began to realize more about how quickly Mom’s world is narrowing.  I got a little irritated with the every thirty-second repeats of questions and comments throughout the day.  I got a little afraid when she wasn’t waiting for me.  I felt a little embarrassed when, at the end of most of the concert pieces, she exclaimed rather loudly, “Wasn’t that great?”  I felt a little bad when she decided from sitting in the sanctuary of the United Methodist Church for the concert that she felt at home and wants to start going to church there.  (How would we manage that?) 
Today I felt more than a little sad.  Today felt like the beginning of the end.

Experience


            After watching Mega Mind at the Clyde Theater in Langley Sunday evening, we (Mom, John, Debra, and I) went out to eat at China City in Freeland.  As always, the food was delicious.
            At the end of the meal, I sent the little dish of fortune cookies around, and we took turns reading our fortunes.  We got to Mom last.  She didn’t know where her cookie was.  I suggested she might have squirreled it away in her pocket and, sure enough, after a few fumbles she found it in her jacket pocket. 
I did the honors of reading her fortune:  “You will profit from your experience.”
Not missing a beat, she exclaimed, “It’s about time!”

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Friday, December 10


            I haven’t done much today other than ride along to Burlington for our Costco/cat food run.  After picking up the 840 pounds of cat food at Northwest Feed, John swung us over to Costco.
            We have the trip down to a science.  (That sounds better than admitting we stick very closely to a routine.)  We eat before we shop.  For just over five dollars, John and I each have a Polish sausage and a Pepsi, while Mom has a mocha coffee and a churro (and a bite of my sausage).  Then Mom stays in the food court area enjoying her coffee and nibbling on her churro while John and I shop.  He pushes the cart because I am not strong enough.  Today we ended up with a typical load that included a case of Pepsi, two cases of Talking Rain fizzy water, and four cases of coffee drinks.  I shouldn’t forget the big bag of boneless, skinless chicken breasts, the gallon jar of four-bean salad, and the large jar of almond butter.  Of course, there were also the maple syrup, the summer sausage, the jars of peaches, the six peppers, and the Charmin.  And the extra sharp cheddar cheese, the orange juice, and the box of snack-size chips (30 count, I think).  Oh, and the frozen meatballs .  You get the idea, anyway.
            The trip to and from the mainland in John’s Ford F250 diesel pick up was pretty typical, too.  We had the classical music station playing, and I noticed again that the clock needed to be reset.  The cab smelled faintly of cougar, and I sat in the middle since I am the shortest.  As we drove over Deception Pass Bridge coming and going, Mom fondly reminisced about an experience that never happened:  her spending the whole day exploring the area and walking back and forth across the bridge while John got the car fixed.  She made her usual comments about how her mother hated Lombardi poplars and how, had her younger brother lived (he died in a Naval Air Force training flight when he was nineteen), he might have been the commanding general of the Whidbey Island Naval Air Force Base.  John and I listened, never correcting or contradicting as she related various other memories with varying versions only minutes apart. 
            After we got home and John unpacked the truck, Mom got her golf cart out to cruise the driveway, and John and I took the dogs for a walk.  Since he was laid off a week ago, we have resumed our daily walks, which not only provide needed exercise but also give us a chance to confer over our care of Mom.
            It’s five p.m. now.  Mom is playing the parlor organ, I am sitting here at the computer, and John will be over in an hour for our shared evening meal.  After dinner, John will go feed the animals, Mom will settle in her recliner with the cat on her lap, and I’ll turn on the evening news after I tidy up the kitchen.  Around seven, Mom will decide if she is going over to John’s to watch a movie with him, and I will stay here and read.  It’s a typical end to another typical day here at Casa Del Gato.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Gift



            By the end of the day, I was sliding into guilt again, subconsciously blaming myself for the absence of joy and the presence of insecurity.  As I read the daily Lectionary and Bible-in-a year chapters, I could not concentrate.  My mind kept slipping into daydreams and worries.
            I took a brief break and then God broke in:  not with clash or thunder, not with anything the least bit showy, but with the tiniest tender gleam of His glory, a pinpoint of laser light in the midst of gloom and self-blame.  I paused, suddenly aware that He loved me with a fullness far more generous than I can imagine.
            As I lay down in my bed ready to sleep, that tiny gleam became a joy wash.  Fearful worries and fruitless daydreams quietly disappeared as His love prompted my prayers.  Gratitude, joy, and meaning replaced the old guilt and wandering thoughts.  Light filled my inner darkness and I prayed my heart out, receiving His joy.