Just What I Needed

 It’s been a rough week. Infusion side effects have been stronger and lingered longer than I expected.

The intense scattered, buzzy brain fog did not clear until Monday. Tuesday evening, I thought I could handle a brief Walmart run, so I went. The moment I walked into the store I realized it was not such a good idea: I was totally wiped out by the time I got home less than an hour later. Wednesday evening, I needed to pick up the 12-hour decongestant that helps keep my pollen allergies somewhat under control. Walking into CVS told me I was pushing my limits again.

It feels like these side effects are worse than usual, but I’m not sure, except for the brain fog accentuated by a constant, lout buzzing tinnitus. It hasn’t helped that I’m not sleeping well.

This morning, I did a second round of music listening, changing out Fernando Ortega’s album, Come Down, O Love Divine to The Shadow of Your Wings. I turned the volume down a little lower than usual to accommodate my sound sensitivity. I felt washed and refreshed by God’s gentle and generous love.

When I finally got up for the day, I realized that I needed to scrap my plans to get out this morning to pick up a few groceries at Aldi. My body tells me I need another low-key day.

So, here we stay. I’ll do a few ten-minute tasks around the house throughout the day (my equivalent to gentle exercise), but nothing taxing. The tinnitus continues. I am bone-weary and depressed. But I am also refreshed by God’s grace, which is just what I needed.

Scattered

Yesterday was infusion day.

Scattered is my word for today. My thoughts flit around, never staying on one thing very long. Some days I can focus on the lyrics of the Christian music I listen to, but not today. I’ll catch part of a verse and then, before I know it, my brain has wandered off again to some miscellaneous stuff.

I’m glad that the car shopping business ended last Thursday with the purchase of a 2014 Ford Fusion from Ron Tate Auto Sales. It had been an Oklahoma City government car, which meant excellent maintenance. It’s a dream to drive, and I’m especially grateful I did not need to take out a loan.

I get a little down in the days before an infusion, knowing that I’ll have a week of not feeling well enough to drive or do much of anything. It is awfully nice to have the next two weeks of being able to drive and get out of the house most days for a few hours at a time. So, I look forward to that.

And I am so very blessed that so far, this third round of cancer is so much easier than the first two.