Just What I Needed

 It’s been a rough week. Infusion side effects have been stronger and lingered longer than I expected.

The intense scattered, buzzy brain fog did not clear until Monday. Tuesday evening, I thought I could handle a brief Walmart run, so I went. The moment I walked into the store I realized it was not such a good idea: I was totally wiped out by the time I got home less than an hour later. Wednesday evening, I needed to pick up the 12-hour decongestant that helps keep my pollen allergies somewhat under control. Walking into CVS told me I was pushing my limits again.

It feels like these side effects are worse than usual, but I’m not sure, except for the brain fog accentuated by a constant, lout buzzing tinnitus. It hasn’t helped that I’m not sleeping well.

This morning, I did a second round of music listening, changing out Fernando Ortega’s album, Come Down, O Love Divine to The Shadow of Your Wings. I turned the volume down a little lower than usual to accommodate my sound sensitivity. I felt washed and refreshed by God’s gentle and generous love.

When I finally got up for the day, I realized that I needed to scrap my plans to get out this morning to pick up a few groceries at Aldi. My body tells me I need another low-key day.

So, here we stay. I’ll do a few ten-minute tasks around the house throughout the day (my equivalent to gentle exercise), but nothing taxing. The tinnitus continues. I am bone-weary and depressed. But I am also refreshed by God’s grace, which is just what I needed.