Part Eight: Neither Warrior Nor Worrier

            I do not understand why most everyone calls cancer a battle.  I get the idea that I am supposed to pit my will, spend my energy, and struggle on in a fight to win.  Frankly, all of that war talk simply exhausts me.

            Perhaps later in the journey I will feel like I am throwing every punch I can against the enemy, but for now, I’m not.  The idea of constant striving completely contradicts my current experience of a deep, joyful peace.

            The only explanation I have for serenity in the midst of a frightening disease is Jesus.  By nature, I am a worrier, not a warrior.  So worry should be dominating my thoughts and feelings.  Except that it isn’t.  Yes, I have moments of fear, but they always evaporate in the reality of God’s love. 

            I’ll admit that having cancer is no picnic.  Usually after appointments I am worn out.  I need a nap and quiet to restore both physical and emotional energy.  Eventually, I turn to blogging to record not just the day’s experience but also God’s faithfulness.  Every day He lifts my heart in worship and thanksgiving. 

            So why should I rage against cancer when there is no need to?  My Savior is waging the battle for me.  I am just following His reminders to worship, to relax, to receive, to rejoice.  There is enough to do with keeping appointments, improving my diet, and chronicling my journey.  I am savoring time with my family and friends, so thankful for all the blessings showering down on my life.