Feelin' Good

Three weeks just disappeared. At least that’s what it feels like now. The weeks themselves seemed slow, and now here comes my infusion day on the 17^th.

This go-round was the best in quite a while. On Sunday the 6^th, I suddenly got some energy back, which was a very pleasant surprise. And at that point, I could really see the benefit of my Visible health app. During the first week after my infusion, my heart rate spiked whenever I got up from my bed or recliner. It would stay in the “exertion zone” even while I was reclining in my recliner. That showed me how hard the treatments are on my body. However, once I hit the feeling better days, the old heart rate settled down.

With a bit more energy came some motivation, and I’ve spent time just about every day on decluttering. I have what seems like mountains of journals, poetry, and photos to purge. (They fill up an antique storage cabinet and much of one closet.) After reading my diary from 6^th and 7^th grade and then an old three-ring binder of poetry from my early teen years, I was ready to take a break. Oh, the many crushes of junior high years followed by the angst of freshman and sophomore years. All that got tossed. I had hoped there would be some decent poetry, but it was all pretty awful. To put it bluntly, I got sick of my teenage self!

So, I moved on to a storage bin that had been taped up since 2009. It turned out to be things of my sister’s (who died in 2009) that I wanted to save. The photos were a mixed lot. I tossed the many photos Anne had taken of her house that she had built in the early 2000’s: the lot clearing of some trees, the foundation and framing, and the woods around. There were even multiple CDs of Kodak photos that I assumed were more housebuilding photos. Without a means of viewing the CDs, I said, “Oh, well,” and added them to the box of throwaways. But there were also pictures from our childhood that I kept for the meantime, at least, not knowing if I will discover duplicates in the photo albums and stray pictures that are stacked on the top shelf of the closet.

I also looked through the many oncology reports Anne had saved from her three years with recurrent ovarian cancer. And then I went on to her elementary school artwork, her grades and college transcripts and awards and diplomas. I even tossed the large certificate of her master’s degree in microbiology and immunology.

Today I am finishing the reading of letters she kept from me, our brothers, and our mom. It’s like spending actual time with family, reading the earlier versions of ourselves. I read and I reflect and I toss. The storage bin is now empty, and I will choose another bin or box or album to work on next.

Where does this leave me? Grateful to have my family right here in town. Once my brothers, sister, and I grew up, we scattered to the four winds. We did keep in touch via letters, phone calls, and occasional visits, but those slowed down as the years went by. I am blessed to have my son living with me and my daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren just a 10–15-minute drive away.

It’s been so nice to feel good again and take that extended trip down memory lane. I look forward to feeling good again a little over a week after my September 17 infusion.