Balance

 Yesterday, I went to see my grandchildren. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until I got there (a mere ten-minute drive). The normal course of action is for me to talk with my daughter a bit and then go back to the girls’ room to play pretend. I was too tired to do that yesterday, and poor little six-year-old Ava just didn’t understand. She began to cry. Dana explained that sometimes Grandma would not be able to play, and I offered to read Ava a book of her choice. That helped. But near the end of my hour plus visit, Ava had an idea. Could I be a mountain for her to drive a toy car on? “Why, yes!” I said. So, for a few more minutes I sat there comfortably on the couch while Ava drove her car up my arm to the top of my head, and Joelle quickly created a small house out of magnet shapes there. It was sweet. My granddaughters’ imaginations always amaze me.

I keep assuming that my reactions to chemo will be the same as eight years ago even though the drugs are not. This first go-round has been filled with surprises. I felt pretty good, though tired, on chemo day (Wednesday) and Thursday. Yesterday I became exhausted, and today the exhaustion increased with the addition of bone, muscle, and joint pain. I pretty much slept until noon and lounged around for the rest of the day. By early in the evening, I felt like I could get some needed supplies at the store if my son took me, so off we went. Now back at home, I have a headache and will probably go to bed soon.

You see, I expected to start feeling better by the weekend, and that did not happen. I don’t know what to expect. And that brings me to my point. As with the recovery from my mastectomy, each day brings the unexpected. I may feel better or worse than I thought I would. And things are always changing. Many of those changes are happy mini surprises, such as being able to extend my arm further or not needing some tiny habit I developed to compensate for discomfort.

My takeaways from yesterday and today are to be very intentional about my protein intake and keep up with drinking lots of water. The short trip to the store reminded me that walking around a little more than I think I can is also good. Balance is the key, and isn’t that true of most of life?