Relax

            I’m training myself not to tense up.  Just seeing a high E or F# makes my throat tighten.  Instead of stretching and straining for the sound, I’m concentrating on relaxing and letting my air flow.

            It seems counter-intuitive that the way to reach my goal of a pure, full sound is in relaxing rather than in reaching.

            Sometimes I wonder how much of my life I have spent on tiptoe, trying to grasp what seemed just beyond my reach.  It is true that kitchen cupboards are designed for someone taller than I.  Have I learned to keep out a step stool to assist?  No.

            More significant things have been out of my reach as well, like a healthy marriage.  I stretched and strained to the breaking point in both my marriages, trying to assume the shape of my beloved while he was reaching for the next picture or the next pill.

            As heretical as it may sound, I found God again when I stopped trying so hard.  I started to relax, to breathe, to allow the emergence of my true self.  Jesus was waiting for me in friends new and old, in nature, in writing, and in music. 

            The Spirit’s song is like the high E I am learning to breathe into:  it sings most beautifully when I relinquish my hold.