"You Don't Send Me Emails Anymore"

    It started with a stray line, as most ideas do:  “you don’t send me emails anymore.”  From there I found the lyrics to “You Don’t Send Me Flowers,” an old Neil Diamond song.  It didn’t take long to compose new lyrics as I contemplated the song, which, fortunately, wasn’t too concerned with rhyme.  I used as many of the original words as possible in my parody.  This is what I do for entertainment on a Saturday night.

You don’t send me emails
You don’t check my blog
You hardly tweet me anymore
When you check your messages
At the end of the day

I remember when
You couldn’t wait to text me
Even when you were next to me
Now after tweetin’ me late at night
When it’s good for you
And you’re feelin’ alright
Well you just power down
No more IM tonight
And you don’t send me emails anymore

It used to be so natural
To text to u “4ever”
But “u’s 2 b’s” don’t count anymore
They just sit on the screen
‘Til we backspace away

And baby, I remember
All the things you taught me
I learned how to forward
And I learned how to tweet
Well I learned how to love
And I learned to delete
Well you’d think I could learn
How to text you goodbye
And you don’t send me emails anymore

Well you’d think I could learn
How to text you goodbye
You don’t say you read me
You don’t hear my ringtone
You don’t send me emails anymore