My Greatest Need

            On page eighteen in Rick Warren’s book, 40 Days of Prayer, were two questions: “What are you lacking in your life simply because you’ve never asked God for it?  What is your greatest need?”

            My written prayer response on February 23, 2018, was brief but heartfelt: “My greatest need and what I’m lacking in life is energy.  Most of the day I rest—wasting hours on Kindle and the Internet (instead of spending time in the Word).  I want the energy to fulfill God’s purposes in my life.  Forgive me, Father, for wasting time.”

            Naturally, my vision for God’s answer was far different than His.  Though I lacked the faith to really believe God was going to restore the energy I lost to fibromyalgia over twenty years ago as well as the energy I lost to cancer treatment two years ago, I hoped for a miraculous answer delivered immediately.

            However, what followed was not what I expected.  Having recently recovered from influenza and a sinus infection, I was hoping for health.  Instead, what followed was hard-hitting seasonal allergies, an ear canal infection, an eye infection, and then a severe outbreak of what I did not know.  A biopsy revealed atopic dermatitis (a type of eczema), the treatment for which was a high dose of steroids (60 mg) for three weeks. The dermatitis disappeared, I temporarily felt great, and then came the month of tapering the steroid dosage.  Once I hit 20 mg per day, the eczema reappeared with a vengeance, and my energy tapered down to zero, just in time for the birth of my granddaughter on May 24. 

            It was horrible to be unable to help my daughter and her family.  Just walking across the street to their house was almost more than I could manage.  Fortunately, they managed with the help of friends while I rested in my recliner at home and took multiple naps in my bed every day.  A month later, after the itching became ferocious, I decided to go back to my dermatologist.  She explained that the next line of treatment would be oral chemotherapy.  I could not face that. I decided to try a detox diet developed by Dr. Mark Hyman, who, by the way, was a co-author of another Rick Warren book, The Daniel Plan.

            The next day—Wednesday, June 27—I started the process of giving up coffee, which took a week.  But I immediately jumped into all other aspects of a new way of eating:  organic fresh, non-starchy vegetables; a little bit of organic fresh fruit; lean meats; and proteins such as farm-fresh eggs, tofu, nuts, and seeds.  That was it.  I quit dairy, gluten, sugar, artificial sweeteners, and artificial flavorings and preservatives. 

            Within a week--though my eczema was no better and the itching was just as intense--I noticed something unusual:  fatigue had disappeared along with most of my usual aches and pains.  I had energy I wasn’t used to.  All through July, August, and now into September, the old fatigue has not returned, my thinking is clearer, and I no longer live in my recliner.   On August 2, a job fell into my lap:  as of August 21, I am teaching two composition classes at Rogers State University, Bartlesville campus.

            That’s a lot of history to put you through, but it is for a purpose.  Clearly, God answered my prayer asking for energy.  However, it was not the way I thought it would be.  I did not expect to sink down into more health issues and a greater fatigue than I had ever known before, but that is what it took to get me to do my part (about which I was clueless).  I know that God can heal instantly and miraculously, but often His purposes require our response, too.  The hardest things, it seems, are intended to bless us through growing our character if we cooperate with Him.  There is no way I could exercise the self-control it takes to stay on my limited diet on my own; I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit is helping me every single day. 

            By the way, the eczema has slowly improved, and I have hope that the sores and the itching will disappear in the coming months as I continue a healthy diet.  But even if they don’t, I have what I lacked and sorely needed:  energy to fulfill God’s purposes in my life.

           

Scratch-Proof?

            I planned ahead.  After the nightly coconut oil slather, I found a pair of long-sleeve, long pants summer pajamas, turned them inside out, and put them on.  You see, seams irritate my now-sensitive skin; however, perhaps the sleeves and long pants would deter scratching the same.  I had thought of wearing gloves to bed as well, but I didn’t want to get too hot and start sweating.  Heat and sweat set off terrible itching; cold and ice packs soothe my skin.  With the central air vent above my head and the ceiling fan above my feet, I was ready for a good night’s sleep.

            And I had one, with a single waking episode to test me.  I did not pass the test.  As usual, I woke up scratching.  “Oh,” I thought to myself, “I’m not supposed to scratch.”  As my fingernails slowed their frantic pace, I told myself that this was a different kind of scratching that was allowed—and kept scratching.  Eventually, I fell back asleep.

            In the morning, I remembered the episode and had to laugh at how easily I deceive myself, even when half-asleep.  I do not know what my sleepy brain meant by acceptable scratching, just that the thought allowed me to continue what I was not supposed to do.  I think there is probably some sort of profound truth concerning self-deception, but I’ll leave that for you to figure out as I scratch my head, wondering what it might be.

Turkey Time

            In this last week of June, I’ve decided it is turkey time.  But not in the way you might think.  For instance, Thanksgiving before last, my then-four-year-old granddaughter decided that if eating too much turkey makes you sleepy, and if her uncle Joseph was napping after dinner, that must mean that he was sleeping with turkeys.

            My turkey tale is twofold. Both parts are related, though in an obscure way unless you add “cold” before turkey. You see, as of today I am going cold turkey on two of the biggest elements of my lifestyle:  dairy products and scratching.

            I love all things dairy:  a cold glass of milk, plain Greek yogurt with frozen blueberries, all cheeses, and all ice cream or frozen custard flavors.  Today I gave my last half gallon of milk and a lovely cheese tray to my son.  (We purchase our groceries separately.)  Then I collected the remaining dairy products—Greek yogurt, cream cheese, Half & Half, and heavy whipping cream—and put them in my daughter’s refrigerator.  Normally, there would have been butter as well, but I ran out of it a couple days ago.

            Why am I ditching dairy?  Because I’m hoping that doing so will calm down this post-steroid eczema flare.  Dairy is not all I’m ditching, but it surely is the hardest . . . well, except for bread and sweets.

            Eczema (specifically, atopic dermatitis) has ruled my life since the initial flare early in the spring.  I’ve made a host of small changes to my lifestyle:  lukewarm showers instead of hot ones, unscented glycerin bar instead of soap and body washes, dermatologist-approved All instead of a cheaper laundry detergent, and so on.  None have made a difference.  Every morning and evening I grease up with cold-pressed, unrefined virgin coconut oil, sometimes with a little tea tree or lavender essential oil added.  I’ve tried everything that anyone has recommended, and still the coconut oil is the best for staving off the incessant itch for a few hours.

            Thus, we come to the second part of my cold turkey tale.  I finally went back to the dermatologist today.  She agreed that it was bad, very bad and put me on an antibiotic for the skin infections that have popped up where my aggressive fingernails have been.  She talked at length about next steps, which include lab work and methotrexate and lots of money since my insurance isn’t so great this year.  Then, she ordered me to stop scratching.

            I’m usually good about following doctors’ orders, and I am committed to not scratch under any circumstances.  But it ain’t easy.  In the six hours since I left the dermatology clinic, I have learned a surprising truth:  I scratch all the time: a little bit here, a little bit there.  It’s a deeply ingrained habit.  I mean, while I was driving home and giving myself a pep talk about not scratching, I suddenly found myself scratching.  In fact, I just did it again!

            I must admit that I am not cold-turkeying coffee.  I’m doing that one gobble at a time—mixing with Teeccino (my favorite healthy coffee substitute)—and should be caffeine-free by next week.  I did not want to add excruciating headache to the mix.  Hopefully, I will learn to sleep scratch-free without the turkeys.