Part Thirty-Nine: Dear God

Dear God,

            Everything hurts tonight.  My arms ache deeply.  My shoulders hurt.  My legs feel heavy.  The headache comes and goes.  The mild nausea persists even after I take the anti-nausea medication.  My head is buzzing with tinnitus, and the rest of me is buzzing with neuropathy. 

            Mornings are hard.  My body feels like it is weighted down with lead.  Today, though, I did not need my morning nap, so I used that time to write my church newsletter column and then tried unsuccessfully to get the new thermostat connected to Wi Fi.  When I saw that Dana was home from grocery shopping, I went over and played with Josiah while she put away groceries and got their lunch ready. 

            After I came home, ate lunch, and wasted an hour on the Internet, I took a nap in the recliner.  I woke up feeling lousy.  Lately I feel worse after naps, and I’m not sure why.  Slight nausea, muscle aches, and neuropathy are not a great combination.  A little later, I decided to take a walk, but the longer I walked, the worse the neuropathy got.  It moved from the soles of my feet on up my legs. 

            After putting my feet up for a while and not feeling better, I decided to go back over to Dana’s and hang with the kids while she fixed dinner.  Josiah walked right over to me as I squatted down.  He put his hand against my cheek and looked me straight in the eye as he said “Hi” with the emphasis on a “y” sound at the end.  It was so sweet.  I walked over to Joelle, and we gave each other a big hug.  She proudly showed me the pumpkin sticker that her preschool teacher had given her.  The next thirty minutes passed pretty quickly between sitting with Joelle on the couch watching the end of Tangled and playing variations of catch with Josiah.  When Dana went out to get Benjamin from the school bus at four, Joelle and I stayed in the living room and Josiah toddled over to the front door.  I could hear him happily babbling away as he watched Dana and Benjamin coming up the sidewalk to the house.  Benjamin came over to me, made the sign for “please,” and grabbed my hands to start the motions for “The Wheels on the Bus.” 

            You know what, God?  I’m glad I decided to write about my day to you because it reminds me that there is a lot of good even on these feeling-bad days.  Yes, I’m really tired of pain and neuropathy and itchy rash, but I am so very grateful for my family.  It is an incredible blessing to live right across the street and get to see my grandchildren just about every day.

            Thank You for moving me from complaining to gratitude.  I needed the reminder to find joy in the little things.  There is so much to be thankful for every single day.  Somehow I have forgotten that lately.  Help me to choose joy again.

Yours truly because of Jesus,

Janis