Part Thirty-Nine: Another Week

            Very discouraged last Saturday, I asked for prayer at the end of my blog.  What happened astounded me.

            Right after posting, I was idly scrolling through my Facebook news feed, simply passing time.  It wasn’t long before the weight of discouragement suddenly lifted from my shoulders.  I immediately knew it was because of prayer.  Not mine, but the prayers of friends near and far. 

            The next morning at church I shared that experience and continued to feel its victory.  But as the week wore on, I succumbed to discouragement again.  I prefer peace, but even when my emotions are low, I know that God is the one in charge.  As several friends have reminded me this week, “He’s got this!”

            But I am not going to lie.  Discouragement and fear keep doing battle with peace.  I find myself discouraged with the peripheral neuropathy and afraid of it being permanent.  In other words, I’ve let worry in.  The big question for me is if I can let go of worry for the future, knowing God will be with me no matter what it holds.

            I’ve been reading up on peripheral neuropathy on various websites, but concentrating on those that provide information for health professionals.  I may not understand everything I read there, but the information is more complete.  I’ve learned that peripheral neuropathy is one of the more common reasons chemotherapy gets interrupted or stopped early.  I’ve learned that early intervention (reduced dosage, different chemo schedule or drugs, or stopping early) is key to increasing the chances that the neuropathy will go away or at least lessen over time.  I’ve learned that neuropathy can affect sensory, motor, and/or autonomic nerves. 

My own symptoms are mostly sensory.  The soles of my feet get more numb the longer I walk.  My balance is less sure.  At this moment, my ears are buzzing and my arms, hands, legs, and feet are tingling.  For most of Thursday afternoon, the top of my right calf cramped as if a narrow band squeezed my leg.  I don’t know if neuropathy causes skin problems, but several days ago, an itchy rash appeared on my arms just above the elbows.  A couple days before that, a rash appeared on my hands from the base of my thumbs up to the first knuckles.  The left-hand rash also itches at times.

I was given the day off from chemo Friday.  Next week I have appointments with my breast surgeon and my oncologist to figure out what comes next.  I’ll ask for prayer again, this time for wisdom to make the best choices.