Shadow or Sunshine

            Earlier this week, I stepped from the shade into the sunshine.

            Our long, pine-lined driveway never ends.  With its single entrance to the road, it proceeds to a fork of decision:  curve left and you reach my brother’s house and the cougar cages; stay right and you go past the large shop to Mom’s house.   The driveway loops and connects back at the fork.

            Walking back from getting the mail, I continued to ponder, lost in the prickly undergrowth of indecision.  When I stepped into the clearing, my mind cleared.  Yes, I saw our neglected garden, thick with February weeds.  Yes, I saw the steepled roof of my brother’s house reaching into the blue sky.  And, yes, I saw the choice before me:  shadow or sunshine.

            Many times in my life I took the shadowed lane, and God sustained me.  But as I trod the path of duty alone, I got lost in the woods.   Trudging on, I struggled to keep my footing, eventually enveloped in despair and no longer able to help the ones I loved.

            God used the rare February sunshine to open my inner vision.  All the prickly details remained, tugging on my cuffs.  But I understood that choosing the sunshine would allow me to be a more useful bearer of light.  The underbrush, it turns out, is a dark tangle of guilt and pride:  guilt over things beyond my control and pride that I should control them anyway.

            I surrendered to the knowledge that God is with me in sunshine and in shadow.  I understood that He will love me no matter my choice.  This time I choose sunshine.