I Can

            I just realized I can turn off the mute button on my computer now.  Mom is not here to be startled by computer sounds.  That means I can play Mah Jongg at full volume or watch a You Tube video.  I can throw away plastic containers.  I can come out to the living room in the middle of the night if I cannot sleep.  I can talk on the phone, uninterrupted.  I can get up early or sleep in late.  I can take a shower without worrying that she will need the bathroom.  I can read or write any time I wish.  I can practice my flute music to the tick-tick of the metronome without driving her crazy. 

            But what I am relaxing into tonight is the silence.  What I am trying not to think about is how she is doing at this exact moment.  I am turning down the heat, I am writing on my laptop, I am wandering around the house.  I am sad and relieved at the same time.  But, mostly, I am ready to sleep.