Panache Regained

    My peanut butter has lost its panache.  [Note:  my brother Robert is responsible for this opening line.  I am responsible for the ensuing details.]

    I’ve turned to almond butter for its nutty nutrition and Nutella for its chocolate satisfaction. 

    Who was it that brought up slug butter?  Was it my nephew Richard or brother Robert?  Surely, it could not have been me.

    But if I were ever to sell slug butter, I believe it would be made from the brown variety for aesthetic reasons.  Eating yellowish-green butter with black spots would be too disgusting.  And, if I have my facts straight, the brown slug is the destructive type that eats fresh vegetation, so the production of brown slug butter would be an ecological advantage as well.

    However, the production problems are overwhelming.  Is there a humane way to kill slugs?  Whom could I find to taste test slug slime?  Should the butter be sweet or salty?  I like the sound of Cinnamon Slug Spread, but would anyone like the taste?  After adding sugar and cinnamon, would a thickening agent be necessary?  Should I go organic, or would it be too expensive to raise slugs on organic vegetation?  Could it be advantageous to market slug spread as a gluten-free product?  Would allergy warnings be necessary?  And is there a market (other than pre-teen boys who want to gross out pre-teen girls) for slug butter?

    A peanut butter sandwich with blueberry-lavendar jam is sounding better by the minute.