Part Forty-Seven: Reminders

            Scrolling through my Facebook news feed, I saw a quotation posted by a Whidbey Island friend, Nancy, from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  If you’ve read any of Young’s devotional books, you know that she writes in first person—from Jesus’ perspective.  In her post, Nancy quoted the last three sentences of the December 5 reading: “Whenever you feel distant from Me, say, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place!’ Then ask Me to give you awareness of My Presence.  This is a prayer that I delight to answer.”

            I needed no further nudge.  Most of the time lately I have been spiritually numb.  Somehow, I’ve let go of prayer time again, and Bible reading has become duty rather than joy.  I’ve been slogging along, depressed by fatigue, neuropathy, back pain, brain fog, and the prospect of radiation. It’s embarrassing to admit because shouldn’t I be rejoicing continually that treatment was successful and the cancer is gone?

            So I put aside Facebook and asked Jesus to make me aware of his presence.  I wondered how he would do it and quieted my mind to listen and wait.  At once, the furnace came on, and with that noisy blast of air came the sense of the holy.  (No, I am not saying that God lives in my furnace vents!)  I heard the overhead sea shell chimes sing softly.  I thought about how Jesus is the sustainer of all things: “He is before all things, and in him all things hold together” (Colossians 1:17).  I marveled that he inhabits and surrounds his creation every second of every day.  His presence was sweet and strong, and my heart buoyed up with joy.

            By the next day, I had already let pain and discomfort sink me back into discouragement.  Late in the afternoon, though, God intervened.  A conversation with my daughter tugged at my heart, and back at home as I sat at the dining room table about to open my Chromebook again, I felt God’s presence.  He spoke conviction to my heart: a wordless sense that I should look for ways to love and bless other people instead of wallowing in my physical ills.  There was no accusation, rather, an all-encompassing sense of love and encouragement. 

            Both experiences reminded me of God’s generous grace.  When I experience his presence, it is pure blessing.  Many times in my life he has showered me with unconditional love:  love I could never earn; love that affirms, cherishes, and encourages; love that gives all lives meaning.  I keep sliding back into discouragement over pain and discomfort and limitations, but he blesses me anyway.  I want to live in his love and share it with others every day.