Fear and Peace?

Fear slammed into my soul Sunday night with these words:  Recurrence of breast cancer is usually more aggressive and more likely to metastasize quickly.

I prefer knowing to not knowing when it comes to medical information, and this came from a reliable source. So, no; I do not regret learning this even though it frightens me.

On my drive to work Monday morning, I gave voice to my fear. Instead of feeling guilty about it, I told God all about it and asked him to help me remember that no matter my feelings—and no matter the outcome—he is always my loving Father. And then I realized that his peace was still with me.

In my office at Good Shepherd, the two things I’m working on are sermon preparation for August 11 and reading in Sailboat Church: Helping Your Church Rethink Its Mission and Practice for our August 6 Session (translated: Board) meeting.

I’ve never preached on 1 Kings 19:1-8 before, so I’ve been reading various commentaries on those verses. In The Communicator’s Commentary: 1-2 Kings, was this sentence: “Of course, being afraid is no sign of weakness; it is the response to fear that reveals character.” My response: Wow!

But God was not done underscoring his message to me yet. In Sailboat Church, there was an entire paragraph in chapter 3 that gob smacked me. I’ll quote most of it and add emphasis in places:

Through this Advocate [the Holy Spirit], Jesus also gives us peace beyond anything the world can give. The peace that the world gives is a fragile thing built on a foundation of favorable circumstances, plentiful resources, success, and good fortune. The peace that the Holy Spirit brings to believers, however, flourishes in the hardscrabble soil of struggle, danger, weakness, and lack. This peace is built on the foundation of trust and hope in God, who never forsakes the believer. . .. Peace comes not because we are strong but because the Holy Spirit enables us to believe that God is strong.

Today, almost a month since I discovered the lump, is my breast biopsy. And then will come more waiting for the lab results and diagnosis. I’m going to remember that even when (or maybe especially when) I’m afraid, God is strong.