March 17th and 19th

Last week, I sensed a nudge to start reading and reflecting on a Psalm a day, adding that to my daily practice of a brief New Testament reading in my English Standard Version journal Bible. I’m using the New English Bible translation for the Psalm readings, one that my mother loved, and was also used in the New Testament class I took so many years ago at Grinnell College.

The language used in the Psalms is beautifully poetic. And I have always loved the Psalms anyway.

At Christmas, my daughter gave me a journal and mug, each with a Monet print on them, so using the journal for my reflections is extra special, too.

I found out right away that I cannot read my NEB Bible at the dining room table because the light is not bright enough, so I sit in my recliner (also a gift from Dana and Shawn) where I have a bright reading lamp.

That little bit of extra time in God’s Word each day yields so much peace. I’m grateful to be able to relax, read, and reflect. And pray.

 

My head is buzzy today. The tinnitus is doing its thing. I’m a little off balance (and I’m sure my brother John would say I’ve always been that way!) And I’m extra sensitive to sound.

Regardless, I slowly and carefully took a walk down the block this afternoon, enjoying the hot sun on my back. (Eighty degrees today.) Just before that, I took out the trash and put my sheets in the washer. And just before that, I reclined in my chair and scrolled Facebook after lying down in bed for close to an hour. And before that, I played some Kindle games.

Which takes me back to this morning. I had an appointment with Hearing Life to get my hearing aids cleaned and have a hearing test. I realize that the purpose really is to sell me new hearing aids—my current pair dates back to the spring of 2017.

Before that appointment, I realized that I wanted to be snarky about my cancer in a passive-aggressive sort of way to get out of the usual sales pitch. (And this, despite praying most days that God would use me to show kindness and spread joy.) He so gently helped me note my bad attitude and I repented.

Naturally, the cancer is immediately apparent due to the cap that covers my bald head. I learned that the audiologist has an aunt with stage IV cancer and is doing well with her treatment, too. (So happy that my snarkiness had been dealt with and put aside earlier.) We did the hearing test and, though my hearing is much the same as it was last time, my hearing aids are worse. The microphones are gradually going out, causing some static. She told me about the hearing aids she put in my ears right after the test (standard procedure), which worked really well, and then explained the current discounts that would bring the price down from $9,000 to $6,000. I explained, nicely, that there was no way I could afford them or the convenient $276 per month payment plan. To my surprise, she dropped the sales pitch immediately. I really appreciated that.

From there I did a quick Aldi run, limiting myself to two shopping bags’ worth. Then I drove on home, put the groceries away, ate an early lunch, and rested in my recliner.

But here is what I intended to write about: the intersection of various health issues and how I cannot tell which one is acting up on any given day. With cancer, fibromyalgia, and diabetes to choose from, I’m hard pressed to say. I’ll guess that all three contribute.

Since my treatment a week ago, I’ve been discouraged with my lack of motivation, how little I am doing, and how much my brain and body just need to chill. Yes, today I did more than usual. But it still was not much. I’m hoping I will have more energy in the two weeks between now and my next treatment.

In the meantime, I am going to try for a little more physical activity each day and remember to be gentle with myself.