Grief
looms large after the wonderful visit from my brothers this weekend. We filled
the time with so much conversation about anything and everything. What I cannot
fully grasp is that this may be the last time I will ever see them.
That
they came the distance to see me means more than I can say. That our time together
as well as our time with my family here was so natural and familiar fills my
heart with joy. It was perfect.
It turned
out to be a blessing that I have not had treatments for the past few weeks
because I had enough energy to spend the whole time with them. In the weeks to
come, I will ponder how much or how little palliative care is worth it. I don’t
know the answer yet. How I respond to reduced-dose infusions—my level of comfort
and energy plus my liver’s response—will provide the answer.
Life
and family relationships are so very precious. I would like to be around
another ten years or more to nurture and enjoy them. God is the only one who
knows how long I’ll stay around. My heartfelt hope is to make the most of my
time. This weekend was one shining example of how beautiful that can be.
So, Bob
and John, no matter what, I will be okay. Thank you for the gift of presence
you gave me this weekend.
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